Today is the 90 days after I lost both my mother and father. Three months later since I last seen my mother. And I can’t remember when was the last time I saw my father. My parents were divorced long time ago and its is complicated to tell you guys.
I lived with my mother since the day I was born. Losing my mom was the hardest part of my life. I never ever have imagine to live without my mom around. She was the first person I see and talk to when I woke up. Now, whenever I am home, it doesn’t feel like home anymore without her around. Every moment I think of her, every food I ate, the shows I am watching, the songs I listen to, the clothes I wear remind me of her. Not a single day my eyes weren’t in tears. Saying ‘my mom died’ may look and sound easy on my mouth, but truthfully it was and is hard.
My mother died when I wasn’t around KL. I was at Parit Buntar, and on the 28th April 2018, early in the morning was the last time I saw her before I left. She was good. She never mention to me she was sick. She was doing the laundry when I said just leave it till I come back and she was watching korean drama that morning like usual. Everything feels normal on that day. I still couldn’t believe her last word to me was “Jaga diri elok-elok” means so much now.
When I feel sad, I tell myself it is okay to cry. If I am tired, it is okay to rest. Take your time to grief because time is the only comforter.
It wasn’t a thing that you lost and you can find a replacement. There are no one can replace my mom. Everyday I woke up, telling myself I have to be strong today because life wasn’t going to be the same like before and I have to breath to walk and smile again.
Alhamdulillah, God lend me his courage everyday for me to be able to go on with my everyday life. I go out to work and laugh like I used to. And tomorrow is my 29th birthday. I know it will never be the same like last year but I am blessed to be around the people I love.
Be thankful and spend time with your parents when you are free because you never know when are you going to see them again. Thanks for reading!